
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13981971.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage, Major_Character_Death
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Miraculous_Ladybug
  Relationship:
      Adrien_Agreste/Marinette_Dupain-Cheng, Adrien_Agreste/Kagami_Tsurugi,
      Marinette_Dupain-Cheng/Kagami_Tsurugi
  Character:
      Adrien_Agreste, Marinette_Dupain-Cheng, Kagami_Tsurugi, Chloé_Bourgeois,
      Barack_Obama
  Additional Tags:
      Dio_-_Freeform, Sex, Gratuitous_Japanese, Swords, Former_President_of_the
      United_States_Barack_Obama, God_is_Dead, Probably_politics_or_something,
      Marinette_le_dumb_fuck, rich_people, Bread
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-03-15 Words: 1801
****** Isekai de Fakku Sekkusu to Tsurugi wo Shiyou! ******
by Cornonjacob
Summary
     Kagami does the fencing equivalent of a radical slam dunk, but then
     Adrien does two of them. But can he do two people vying for his
     affections in a subway? Yes.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
「Harder Adrien! Thrust harder!」 Kagami shouted, face flushed and grinning with
delight.
Shining with sweat, Adrien's own visage glowed as he panted and penetrated with
exertion.
With speed and precision, both fencers danced in exhilaration, their foils a
blur between them. The sound of graceful footwork and the clash of sword and
skill echoed in the otherwise empty gymnasium of Collège Françoise Dupont.
Eventually, Adrien just managed to slip through his opponents defenses, ending
the match.
「That was incredible as ever, Adrien! Now that I've faced defeat, let's fuck,」
the swordswoman sordidly suggested, perfectly reasonable in the context of a
smutfic where logic and decorum hold no sway.
"Yes Kagami, I am very heterosexual with an appealing facial structure and so
are you," Adrien responded while pulling a €200 note and throwing it at Kagami.
The boy was very eager to engage in a pelvic duel because his father Gabrihawk
Mothgreste had Nathalie talk to his son about the birds and the bees because he
was busy.
"Let's go somewhere more private," the male deuteragonist of the French-Korean
show, Miraculous Ladybug, sensibly stated. He took his fuckable fencer friend
to the subway he always goes to in order to transform back into a normal boy
because nobody ever goes there apparently.
Except unbeknownst to the couple, Marinette was there. She was hiding in the
ceiling but her face was clipping through the concrete so she could see
everything.
Ready to perform the first time fucking, Adrien used his hands to perform a
special technique on himself. It was very similar in concept to detransforming,
but instead of changing from Chat Noir to normal, he changes from normal to
naked by manually removing his clothes, before applying the same principle to
Kagami. It was very, very hot, mostly because Kagami put all their clothes in a
pile and set it on fire in order to burn the evidence. She reassured Adrien
that they would be able to buy new clothes from the subway vending machines
that she mistakenly believed were there, just like in Japan.
Fortunately for filthy gaijin Adrien, Nathalie had taught him that you should
tease your partner to make them feel good before you moved on to penetration
mode to feel even gooder. Unfortunately, this big idiot completely
misunderstood the word "foreplay" and fractured Kagami's kneecap with a single
swing of a golf club.
「NANIIIIIII!?」, she screamed in pain spaghetti with extra agony sauce.
Misinterpreting his ass friend's shrieking as delight, Adrien would not give it
Agreste and broke her other knee.
"Oh là là," he remarked over the loud suffering, and reached deep into the
young woman's mouth to rub her uvula, because it kind of look like a big mouth
clitoris. Kagami retched and vomited all over the clothes pile, extinguishing
the flames.
While she had been watching the now most artistic sex act in the world done by
her crush, Marinette had gotten incredibly wet. She was so incredibly moist and
lubricated that she phased through the molecules of the ceiling and made a wet
slapping sound when she hit the ground.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the motherfucking bread maker whom'st'd've'ed
rises to do so*," Adrien memed like a socially inept asshole who thinks they're
fucking funny and uses memes as a crutch to cover a lack of any real humor or
substance in their daily conversation, only to look like some weirdo in front
of anybody relevant, irreparably disappoint and bring shame to their parents,
and further cripple their reputation and social skills in a vicious cycle that
deteriorates their life prospects and self esteem, and it only gets worse if
they're not the most sugoi boi steaming hot piece of dick like Adrien is. I
blame it on his dad, Hawkriel Agroth, who is very bad at parenting and is
probably also a furry. And while we're talking about this, I also want to point
out that Marinette is a fucking idiot train wreck who apparently comes from
infomercial world and fucks up the simplest of tasks and does stupid shit like
hold up a tray of macarons for Adrien only to violently spasm and launch them
everywhere.
The big man knew that his classmate was in the ceiling the entire time because
Marinette is a fucking peasant and he was very adept at smelling commoners. He
made sure to put on a very titillating and buttery show for his voyeur in order
to make her undergarments go all Genesis 17-20, causing her to fall, just
according to keikaku*.
"Suck it," Adrien commanded, pointing at his scrotum but referring to the
testicles inside. When Marinette pulled a vacuum cleaner out of her inventory,
Adrien knew she and he were meant for each other. He ejaculated immediately,
splattering his the bees sauce and the birds sauce onto his fencing rival.
Kagami, who had assumed she was still relevant to my fanfiction, used the
abundant baby batter to glue the fragments of her knees back together. While
Marinette was pleasuring Adrien by standing nearby with the vacuum cleaner and
doing absolutely nothing (she'll probably still fuck this up somehow), Kagami
realized that a rival suitor had appeared, and that she must now fight for the
affection of the French fencer of foul fornication.
「Silver Chariot!」, She shouted, temporarily changing her art style and posing
impossibly. A rapier wielding and armored spirit manifested behind her, as if
to 「Stand」 by her side, before it rushed toward Marinette's stupid face, ready
to attack.
Because it was so low, Marinette tripped on her own self-esteem. She
accidentally performed a perfect counter with the vacuum cleaner, super
slamming Kagami's ribs and also former president of the United States, Barack
Obama, whose journey for the Chaos Emeralds had taken him to Paris.
Everyone heard a click, followed by the most obnoxious laughter in the world
and possibly all of Paris. It was Chloé Bourgeois with a cutting edge camera
powered by the souls of three orphan children.
"Ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous! To think that I, Chloé, would have to traipse
into the commoner's subway to blackmail my rivals for Adriken's love with this
picture of the baker girl desperately pummeling this sushi tramp, like an exam
student scrambling to finish the problems on an exam until the last moments
before the chime! No matter how you struggle, there are limits to what a
commoner can afford! The meager bond you have with Adrikens is useless! 「Muda!
Muda! Muda! Muda! Muda! MUDA!」 Can a monkey stand against a human!? Compared to
me, Chloé, you are but a monkey, Marinette! And do the scion of a family of
Olypmic fencers and former president of the United States, Barack Obama, think
to stand against I, Chloé? As if, your statuses are as compelling as rat shit
in the bathroom and it will be your demise!" Chloé briefly and concisely
stated.
"Bastard...How many people have you gotten akumatized!?" Marinette asked.
"How many breads have you eaten in your life?" Chloé replied
「Kuso!」 Kagami exclaimed, 「We can't stop her if she's going to ruin our
reputations!」
Obama, thinking about enforcing stricter gun control, smugly proclaimed, "Yes
we can," drew his katana and slashed Chloé's hands off.
「S-sugoi former president of the United States, Barack Obama-san!」 Kagami
ejaculated.
「NANI!?」 Chloé shouted in fear as crimson caviar coursed down her wrist stumps,
"Do you know who my daddy is? I'll have you arrested!"
As she tried to back away, Obama affixed her with a disappointed and tired look
as strong winds in the subway blew his luxurious hair to the side. Multiple
predator drones materialized there, and around Paris, before demolishing Chloé,
Le Grand Paris, and Hôtel de Ville with their AGM-114 Hellfire missiles.
At this sight, Adrien's flaccid "oui oui" erected into a mighty "Eiffel Tower".
Obama reacted by expanding his "Washington Monument". They did some fencing of
their own with their landmarks.
「Well, you know what this means,」 Kagami huskily said to Marinette.
yes i do naughty girl, it is time for the arbitrary yaoi and yuri sex every
fanfiction needs "!,marinette responded with lust, but also so much
incompetence as usual that she and managed to fuck up the grammatical format of
this dialogue.".
Kagami pulled out her glorious nippon steel folded over 1,000 times katana and
did some backflips and frontflips and sideflips and also some diagonalflips but
also a Konami Codeflip and doing the anime sword thing where she slashes
something real fast, and seconds later, Things Fall Apart (by Nigerian author,
Chinua Achebe). She was doing this to Marinette's clothes and it was very hot
and super daijobu.
Marinette gasped out in a voice that sounded like Cristina Vee's, "That was
very hot and super daijobu, Onee-chan."
When her imouto said that, Kagami could no longer contain the boner in her
heart, which went doki doki for her precious Marinette and now her
cardiovascular phallus just sprayed Marinette with her baby batter and now
Marinette is pregnant with the next Olympic fencing champion and heir of the
Tsurugi family.
Adrien looked over and quipped, "We should have expected this from the daughter
of bakers. She has a bun in the oven."
This killed the mood between the two Asian girls and it also killed Obama.
At this point, thanks to Adrien being a shithead, everyone just wanted to go
home except Obama because he was dead.
「What the hell!?」, Kagami shouted in front of the subway vending machine,
「Where are the clothes!?」
This was the part of the episode that only happens once each time where
Marinette does something smart and maybe uses her fashion design skills. She
bought all of the bags of potato chips from the machine and sowed all of it
together into three suits for the trio. All three of them proceeded to walk out
into public looking like total morons, except Adrien totally pulled it off
because he can do that, and everybody in Paris started walking around wearing
potato chip bags. At least it was better than the time that may or may not have
been canonical in issue 3 of the Miraculous Adventures comic in which Ladybug
is teleported to New York and transforms back into her civilian form,
Marinette, completely naked in a dumpster. She encounters some fellows of
African descent but thinks that they're in the middle of looting a building and
are about to mug and murder her just because they're Black. It's pretty fucked
up.
"Kagami, why is all your dialogue surrounded by 「」 instead of ""?" Marinette
asked before the story ended.
「It's because those are Japanese quotation marks.」
"But how come we aren't speaking with the French quotation marks, «»?"
Adrien answered, "Because this Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir
fanfiction was written in the English dub."
The End
End Notes
     *Translator's note: "Dupain" is the French word for "bread" and
     "Cheng" is the Chinese word for "make". In addition, Marinette's
     first name roughly means "to rise". Marinette's full name more or
     less means "the one who rises to make the fuckin bread" and that's
     really dumb.
     Also "keikaku" means "plan".
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